Sappy Wedding Post

We went to a wedding this weekend. It was two hours away in a tiny town that was almost in another state. We were running late. The kids were hungry and a little whiney even though I made a big beautiful breakfast. I scrambled eggs, anyway, and toasted some waffles. I should probably mention that we were at Our Bar the night before the wedding, too, and The Barkeep was actually in the wedding, so we kind of needed to get there on time, which meant leaving at 8am and not stopping every half hour for drinks and gas and an SD card for the camera. I don’t wear dresses for very often, especially not dresses that require a strapless bra, but I wore one Saturday and I even made myself a pair of what I have decided to call my “east side Spanx.”  My dress material was not very forgiving so I cut the legs off of an old pair of control top panty hose. I left enough length on the thighs to control them, too. (I’m a 37 year old mother of four, sometimes parts of me need control.) These were 10 times more comfortable than the bra. I felt fabulous.  Just try it some time. Hike them up as high as you need to to feel hot and never write a blog telling your closest friends and complete strangers the secret to your sexy dress.  Anyway, east side Spanx, strapless bra, whiney kids, teenagers obsessed with boy bands, it was quite the ride.


We made it on time, though, and there are some friends that just pulling up beside them puts you at ease. That’s my buddy T-Pig. Beer in hand, shorts and a t-shirt, looking cool and comfortable in the sunshine. We followed him 2 blocks from the park to his family’s house that was also a bed and breakfast. I have been to a lot of weddings. I have been in a lot of weddings. I have never been so relaxed preparing for a wedding. Everyone was milling about eating muffins, drinking lemonade or Coors Light, and chatting. His family opened their home and business to all of us and made us feel welcome. Then we went back over to the park and witnessed one of the most awesome weddings I have ever been part of. (It was worth the two hour drive, especially when you put it in the perspective that they drove 8 hours to have their wedding closer to all of us.) It was sweet, simple and fun. Pinwheels marked the aisles, the kids used bubble guns instead of tossing flowers, one of the couples did a cute dance as they walked down the aisle, and another friend of ours officiated the ceremony. His speech was short but meaningful and interesting. The Bride wrote vows that made everyone cry. We’re going to call her Sparks… like Nicholas Sparks, she writes romantic tearjerkers. Seriously, though, she did it again later at the reception and it sounded completely unplanned and off the cuff. I think she should go into politics.


Sharkboy and Little S dissolved in to tears and wails of agony shortly before the wedding started, so we invented The Tantrum Tree. You can bawl your eyes out, but do it down there by that tree where no one else has to hear it. Every event should have a tantrum tree.

This blog isn’t actually about their wedding, though, it was just their wedding that got me thinking about the inevitable outcome of weddings… marriage.


H-Bomb’s wedding was also amazing, though very different from Sparks and T-Pig’s. It was her minister that told the story of The Itsy Bitsy Spider before their vows. It made me giggle, but at least he was interesting. (I have stood through some boring sermons.) He compared a married couple to the spider, climbing up the water spout, bad days come and knock you down and make your climb seem impossible, but then the sun comes back out and you can climb again. It may sound bleak, but it’s realistic. Relationships are hard work. No two people are alike enough to never disagree and many people were never taught how to disagree without causing damage. On top of that, life is hard. Shit happens. Cars break down. Businesses downsize and jobs get dissolved. Babies are born, or babies are not born in to a home that waits for them. Homes get foreclosed. People get sick. Careers get relocated. So many curveballs. Every couple makes a promise on their wedding day to keep getting back up and to keep climbing together. And they mean it. Right then and there they mean it and they believe it. But life is hard.


Standing there in perfect weather at the perfect wedding I had an epiphany. It started with the subtle idea that in this age of technology we could easily videotape every wedding on a small device and carry it around at all times. When the rain comes and waiting for the sunshine is just too long and difficult, you can open the file right there on your smart phone and relive your promises to each other. That idea took hold and rooted into something more. Every couple needs advocates. Like godparents, if you will, to sponsor the couple and champion them through rough times.  The bride and groom would each choose an advocate to help them with their wedding planning and vow writing. The advocate would pledge to see the couple through the hard times and back into the sunshine to the best of their abilities. Imagine if after telling your friends and family about recent chaos in your home you each got a call from your advocate, they took you out for a drink and talked about how you, as a couple, always inspired them. Your advocate would talk to you about thought you put into your vows and what they meant to you. They would remind you of something else you worked through together back when it was easier, and how good it felt to bask in the sunshine together.

Weddings are beautiful and full of promise. If everyday could be pretty dresses and laughing children, out of state relatives and delicious cakes we would never need reminded of the sunshine. It would also get very expensive and tiring. How do you suppose I make this catch on? Who do I talk to about changing the way weddings work? Wait a minute, hold the phone, I just did a little Google research to remember the name of a celebrity wedding planner (it was David Tutera) and realized there is an entire channel pretty much dedicated to weddings. That is where I need to start. I’ll make it the trendy new thing all the hip brides are doing and it will catch on. In the meantime… maybe we can just take it upon ourselves to support one another. Be an advocate for your friend’s relationship, for your sister’s marriage, for your brother’s family.


I’m not worried about my friends. I know they have advocates and each other and plenty of sunshine. That is my wish for everyone.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. wanweier
    Aug 22, 2013 @ 09:42:05

    Bless you


  2. aphroditevav
    Apr 29, 2014 @ 23:49:47

    Love this! The closest “advocate” role I have seen in a religious wedding ceremony that extends beyond the wedding ceremony is the Koumbara. I like the way you defined it…remembering the sunshine. Now I want to sing ….
    “The Sun Will Come Out, Tomorrow…”

    The Koumbara
    In Christian ceremonies, a maid of honor is a witness to the marriage of two people. A koumbara is an Orthodox religious sponsor who may also serve as maid of honor. In the Greek Orthodox Church, the koumbara, if female, or koumbaros, if male, is an active participant in the ceremony and should be chosen as someone who the newly married couple will look to for religious guidance throughout their lives together. This active role symbolizes the Orthodox congregation’s witness and acceptance of the marriage in the church. Often but not always, the koumbara is also the person who will be the godmother to the couple’s children after the marriage and provide spiritual support to the whole family.

    Read more:


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