As in, you are all acting like a bunch of boobs.

Recently a woman from my hometown uploaded this photo on Facebook:


This is pretty amazing and got a lot of attention, and not just from the hundreds of people saying, “Wait, what is a crab rangoon pizza? Where can I get this amazing delicacy?”  A crab rangoon pizza has a crab rangoon base, surimi, green onion, asiago and mozzarella cheeses, and is topped with crispy egg roll strips and sweet chili sauce. You can purchase one in Des Moines, Iowa at Fong’s Pizza. Some day I’d like to write you a whole blog about how very cool Des Moines really is compared to what you have been told, but that will have to wait. If you look beyond the delicious purchases you will see that one was paid for by a staff member at Fong’s to thank the mother for breastfeeding. Neat, right? It was such a happy story that it made the news in other cities and right here in Des Moines.

Again, neat story. It should really end there. But no. People have to go and be grossed out and offended by it. I’m grossed out and offended by a lot of things but I keep most of it to myself because the world doesn’t revolve around me and my likes and dislikes. I want to go to every single news site about this wonderful story and just “educate” every single moron like this woman *Ellen that just compared her breast to her butthole. (Don’t worry, I’ll get to that.) But I don’t have the time or the patience so I’m just going to write my responses to the standard comments here and hope some of the boobs out there read them.

I don’t mind breastfeeding in public as long as they cover up.

1. Why? What about a woman’s breast is offensive? The size? Because some women have smaller breasts than some men, do these men also need to cover up? Please? I’ve heard some people say “hot” breasts are okay but not flabby, ugly ones. Fair enough. Put your flabby, ugly chins away and your flabby, ugly thighs and all the rest of you, too. It offends me. Actually, your face offends me, cover it up.

2. It’s hot, people. It’s 90 or more degrees in Iowa right now, more with humidity. The baby is already nestled up against Mom’s body heat and you want a blanket on his or head, too? That’s child abuse. If breasts offend you that much then you go in the bathroom and eat or you eat dinner with a blanket on your head.

I’m tired of people saying breastfeeding is natural, so is masturbation but I don’t do it at the table.

If you can’t tell the difference between masturbation and breastfeeding then you have some deep psychological issues to explore.

I’m tired of people saying breastfeeding is natural, so is taking a dump maybe I should show you my butthole.

That is paraphrasing *Ellen, I think she deleted her original comment before I could cut and paste. Ellen has some serious issues if she is truly comparing her breasts to her butthole. I don’t even know where to start.

A lot of people try to compare breastfeeding to using the restroom when the “natural” debate comes up. Let’s just end that now. Breastmilk is a source of nourishment and more. Anything you do in the restroom is not. I feel like I shouldn’t even need to explain this. The last time I had to say, “we don’t eat poop,” I was talking to a 6 month old.


Breasts are not offensive but they are a private part. Are you going to tell me that if you have a daughter you’ll be okay with her walking around topless?

Um, yeah. It’s her body. Once she is an adult I won’t “let” her do anything because her body does not belong to me.

But again, this comparison is dumb. Walking around topless and breastfeeding are not the same thing. There is less breast exposed during breastfeeding than there is in bra advertisements at the mall. I don’t see anyone draping blankets over those.

I don’t want my children exposed to that.

The little flash of sideboob they might glance during breastfeeding? Don’t let them near the internet! They might see Miley Cyrus on the Huffington Post. Don’t take them to the mall, they might have to walk past Victoria’s Secret. And definitely keep them home from the beach. Because I’d hate for them to be exposed to a human breast. <—That last link is all marvelous man boobs and I suggest you check it out for some comic relief.

Your kids will always be exposed to things you wish they didn’t have to see. Use ach experience as a learning opportunity. Tell them how you feel about it and educate them about the situation. Especially breastfeeding! This is the moment where you get to shape and change our future society, the society your children will be feeding their own children in. Tell them now, “breastfeeding is the healthiest, most natural way to feed your baby.” You can elaborate for more advanced learners but make sure you send that message. Then say, “but if it makes you uncomfortable, look away.” It’s important they learn now some things will make them uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean those things are wrong or that they can be rude about it.

 I hate the moms that feel like they have something to prove and make a big production of it. It’s natural and awesome for baby and mom so don’t ruin it by making a scene.

They don’t like you, either. You’re the one that made breastfeeding weird and obscene. You, and others like you, that bought into the notion that somehow a woman’s breast was more offensive than a man’s or that anyone ever had the right to judge whose breast was attractive enough to be seen, you are the ones who made it a big deal, not the mothers that are trying to take back the natural act of feeding their child when he is hungry.

*whew* I typed all this with Sharkboy and Little S fighting beside me, singing in my lap and threatening to pee on me, so I hope it makes sense. I swear they’re not neglected, it was less than 20 minutes of a day that was entirely devoted to their good times. They will survive.

I am not trying to shame anyone that is not comfortable whipping it out in public. Our society is obsessed with breasts in an unnatural way and it has caused people to be uncomfortable with their own bodies. Or maybe you’re just shy. That’s okay.

And ya know what, it’s okay to be uncomfortable with other people’s breasts, too, it’s just not okay to expect them to make themselves and their child uncomfortable for your sake.

I’m done with my soapbox, but I bet you’re not. Go ahead. That’s what the comments are for. 😉


*names changed to protect the  innocent


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jodie Gratias
    Jul 19, 2013 @ 00:47:15

    GREAT ARTICLE!! Liked & shared!!!! Literally LOL when crazy bimbo compared her boob to her butthole! Classic ignorance! 🙂


  2. Ashley
    Jul 19, 2013 @ 11:55:24

    I wanna hear your response to the boobs that say they shouldn’t be “blindsided” by a bare breast out in front of their children so they have to explain it to them and they don’t wish to do that unless it’s on THEIR terms, or they don’t want their children exposed to stuff like that, etc.

    They are the reason people see this as an issue – they’re obviously teaching their children it is improper or disgusting to breastfeed in public…and if they would just teach them that this is a normal part of mammalian/human biological behavior, we might not have this stupid problem. /endrant =]


    • raz
      Jul 19, 2013 @ 13:14:07

      1. Your children are always going to be exposed to things you wish they didn’t have to see. Use each experience as a learning opportunity.
      2. Especially breastfeeding! Teach them now. “That woman is breastfeeding. Babies drink their mother’s milk.” You can provide a more elaborate description for more advanced learners.
      Great question, I think I will add it to the blog!


  3. Cam
    Aug 04, 2013 @ 16:55:52

    Wow, I remember briefly reading about this on like the Google or MSN homepage 1 day, but I didn’t realize it was at Fong’s. Damn do I feel sorry 4 anyone who hasn’t had the Crab Rangoon Pizza, lol. ^_^ That’s awesome though. It’s totally natural, so it’s cool. Yeah so is taking a dump, but that’s unsanitary & smelly, I don’t think anyone would like it if anyone did that around them while they’re trying 2 eat. That’s why they invented restrooms. If breastfeeding was really THAT offensive or whatever, wouldn’t there be some special room 4 that as well? People just like 2 complain & argue about anything because it’s happy it gives them something 2 do. RABBLE RABBLE!!!


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